Feeling insecure? Is it just you or the menopause?

Emotional side of menopause

For the majority of women, it's a roller coaster of emotions going through the menopause. And for lots of women, the emotional side of it can actually be more distressing, and upsetting and harder to deal with than the physical symptoms.  

So we have things like, we've got low mood, we've got anxiety, we've got rage, we've got irritability, and we've also got extreme insecurity. And I get many calls from women who have always seen themselves as being very calm and rational, suddenly getting these emotions where they feel so insecure, they don't know what's going on.  

They don't know how to cope with it, and they just don't know what to do with how they feel.

What women can feel insecure about during menopause

So let's have a little look at what situations this can relate to.

Relationships

One of the biggest areas where people contact me is in relationships. And it's amazing how many women start to feel insecure about their relationships.  

We've even had women who have feelings that their husbands are going to have affairs, or their husbands are cheating on them. And they literally can't cope with these feelings of insecurity and also helplessness, because they've no idea how they can turn this around.  

Empty nest syndrome

It can be to do with your children because very often, the age that we get to the menopause is also the age that children leave home, so we've got the empty nest syndrome. Suddenly, our children, they don't need us so much anymore or maybe, you know, they've even left home. And when that happens, we don't know who we are anymore. We're not a mother.  

They don't really need us very often, maybe only in emergencies. So we get these feelings of not knowing who we are, and that can bring about great insecurity in terms of everyday life, too.

Work

It can be due to work, too. And this is a big one for some women, especially if you're in a position of power or responsibility.  

If you start feeling insecure, and especially if you are working with a lot of men, it can be a really horrible situation to be in. And if you're maybe suffering from other symptoms as well, such as hot flushes, you're going to be in a situation at work where it's going to be very difficult for you to feel that you are in control.  

It can also be a situation with your work colleagues as well, if you have a sort of pecking order in the office, if you like, you can start to feel that you are insecure in your position and also what you're capable of doing as well at work. Your work can very often suffer just because of the way you're feeling on a daily basis.  

Appearance

It can also be your appearance, and this is a big one for a lot of women. We do change physically. There is no getting around that at all. We can end up putting on weight. Our skin can change. We can start to see the bags and wrinkles. Our hair can change as well.  

So losing our appearance that we've been used to for a long, long time can give us feelings of insecurity, especially when we're socialising or mixing with other people.

What causes insecurity during menopause?

Hormonal imbalance

The reason for all this, it's nearly always to do with your falling hormones and oestrogen especially, we know how much it can affect our emotions in all sorts of different ways.  

Stress

Stress can be a big factor, too. The more we're stressed, and the menopause definitely stresses us, that can have a huge impact in our confidence and the way we feel and see ourselves.

Other menopause symptoms

And you know, you think of all the menopause symptoms that just wear us down and make us less robust emotionally. It can be fatigue, it can be the sleep, it can be the joint problems, it can be the weight gain, and a big one as far as relationships go, if you're losing your libido, if you've had a very close physical relationship with your partner for a long time, and suddenly, your libido just absolutely disappears, this can have a huge impact on your relationship and how you feel within your relationship, too.  

What you can do to help yourself

Don’t bottle it up – Talk about it

So what can you do about this? Talking is really important, you know. Talk to the people that you're with about how you are feeling especially if your insecurities are really getting a little bit uncontrollable. The problem is I know that sometimes, it's difficult to explain how you feel when you don't know how you're feeling yourself.  

So maybe, you know, if you're lucky enough to have a group of women friends is to maybe try and talk it through with them first, especially if they're going through the menopause because they're more likely to agree and sympathise with you, and then maybe try to tackle the other people in your life. If you're having a real issue at work, it is important if you can, to go and speak to your HR department if you're lucky enough to be in a big enough organisation, and try and get some support that way if you can, too. 

Don’t compare yourself to your younger self

Stop comparing yourself, and this is very much to do with our physical self. We get this a lot, and I am just as bad as everybody else. You look in the mirror, and you want to see yourself as you were looking 10 years ago, not how you look and feel now. And that can be very demoralising, so, you know, this is the time when we have to learn to love ourselves, basically, if we can.  

It can be very hard but it's a lot better than being unkind to ourselves which we very often do.

Be kind to yourself

Do something for yourself. It's not about being selfish, it's about being self-ish. It's about putting yourself first, just occasionally. Have that little bit of me time every day. When you're cooking meals, if you're still cooking and you've got a family at home, how often do you cook your favourite meal?  

Very often, we do it for everybody else. So be kind to yourself if you're feeling insecure, and give yourself a little bit of a daily boost in some way, even if it's only a tiny one, because that can make you feel a lot better.

Watch your diet

As far as diet goes, try and stay away from things like caffeine and fizzy drinks, and high-salt and sugar foods.  

These will stress your nervous system even further, and they can make you more jumpy, more likely to get these sudden feelings of insecurity that can sometimes just come out of the blue, so really try and keep your blood sugars as stable as you can, because that can be quite a big benefit.  

Water & Magnesium

Remember your water. Dehydration will do it. Magnesium as well, loads of it just to help to boost and support your nervous system.

Help balance your hormones

The other things you can look at if it's appropriate for you, you could look at our Menopause Support which can very often help to just gently even out your oestrogen levels.

Flower power

We also have some of the flower essences. I love the flower essences for emotional issues because they just seem to hit the spot and you can take them wherever you need them. If it's about feeling insecure, about who you are, about how you look and how you feel, we have Female Essence. We also have the Female Essence, you could use that for empty nest syndrome, too.  

If you're lacking confidence, if you're losing your confidence at work as well as feeling insecure, we've got Confidence Essence, and for all these other emotional issues, we have Emotional Essence.

And these are lovely, they go with HRT, you can take them if you're on any other hormonal contraceptives, and they go with most other medications as well.  

It's a little bottle, and you can keep it in your bag and take it with you wherever you go. So it's a lovely nice emotional support for times when you're feeling insecure and you're having other emotional issues.

So let me know how you get on. Have you been feeling very insecure? Has it affected you? Do you have any really good stories that you'd like to share as to how you've tackled this one?  

And have a good week. And I will see you next week for another edition of A.Vogel Talks Menopause.